i often find myself defending my own actions with tainted logic. i think its a twisted way to displace my guilt and responsibilities onto other things. and most times, at the end of the day, these things have no relationship to the issue at hand. i ask myself: why do i let my pride get in the way? why do i feel the constant need to find even the smallest sliver of justification? why can’t i deal take the situation for face value?

i guess life is a tug of war between who’s right and who’s wrong. to most people, everything must be squared off tightly drawn out boundaries. however we are allowed to fight to gain and regain. one part of me would argue that this is where the beauty of humanity lies – we defend and argue for what we believe is right and wrong. and we are not confined to a binary state of truth. but on the other hand, i see this argument as an easy way to situations we don’t want to deal with because there will always be a way to defend and protect yourself. why is it that we can’t completely admit to our faults? perhaps this is because all of our lives are intertwined and it is hard to separate left from right; there is too much gray.

i want to become someone who can admit to his own failings loud and proud. why is it so hard?

in this respect, humans are bundles of contradictions. we look away when we don’t want to deal. we care when we want to care. and we judge when we are feel compelled to judge. but at the end of the day, i am of the opinion that we do act rationally. moreover, i do no act rationally.

i want to be more accountable and more fair and make more comprises.


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